by Edmond Keenan Wynn
You have to love Loretta Sanchez. She's the California Democratic Congresswoman who scheduled an Al Gore fundraiser at the Playboy Mansion. Gore, suddenly alert to the fact that it was, well, icky to have the fundraiser there while he was touting his environmentally correct, 100-stomach-crunches-a-day morality by picking principles wunderkind Joe Lieberman as his running mate, decided to axe the oblivious Ms. Sanchez from the Convention speakers' list (she was later reinstated). Ms. Sanchez was stunned, or nonplussed, or whatever it is that happens to Democrats when they are caught out in a situation where taste rears its ugly head.
And here is where Ms. Sanchez stuffs the taste issue into its proper nutshell: she said, after hearing the news, "…if someone can find a different venue and they can guarantee that it will have that kind of cachet…"
See? We have a huge taste gap here, peculiar to the Democrats. (The Republicans would just hold everything in the Reagan Library if they could). To Ms. Sanchez, there is a certain cachet to the Playboy Mansion. The cachet of what? Darva Conger boogying in her underwear while the ancient debauchee himself looks on, pipe, pajamas and all? Hot tubs and centerfolds on tap? Democratic bigwigs dropping by to ogle same? Movie stars like Charley Sheen reviewing the latest crop of bosomy babes and saying to Hef, "how about that one?" Lots of great food and a terrific open bar? Plenty of, ahem, fresh oysters, nudge nudge?
Yes. That kind of cachet is definitely what is needed at a Democratic fundraiser. After all, this is a party that likes to party! In fact we have many former Republicans who, sensing the much groovier scenes at Democrat shindigs have moved over, like the imperious Ariana Huffington whose convictions, one imagines, are more along the lines of who has heard of Paris couturier Lecoanet Hemant and who hasn't. Since the last designer any respectable Republican lady has heard of is Bill Blass, they know which party to join.
But the "cachet" question seems to plunge much deeper (nudge nudge). It must speak to the core values in some cryptic way. There must be some rift that we can fathom, something that will point us to the party that best suits us. Obviously, for Congresshuman Sanchez, the Playboy Mansion makes complete sense, cachet-wise. And she posits that she'll be just fine with anywhere else that anyone can find with "that kind of cachet." The Democrats are nothing if not cachet-conscious, and sex-driven jejuneness, the staple of the hi-fi top-down Austin Healey-era Playboy philosophy, is evidently the ne plus ultra of cachet for them.
With this in mind, let's make it all simpler for the "swing vote," those voters who are in a quandary as to which candidate to vote for. Forget the speeches, forget the platforms (unless they're propping up some extreme footwear), forget the conventions. What really counts is cachet.
| Democrat Cachet | Republican Cachet |
| Anna Sui Body Shimmer | Nivea Q10 Wrinkle Control |
| Fred Sathal's Vegas Showgirl "Look" | Real Vegas Showgirls |
| Apple Qube | IBM's ASCII White Supercomputer |
| Illegal MP3 downloads | Buying CDs at the store |
| Chateau Duhart-Milon 1983 ($120) | St. Francis Sonoma Valley Reserve Merlot ($39) |
| Vegetarian buffet at Govinda's | The house meat loaf at 72 Market Street |
| After dinner drinks with Hef at the Mansion | A 30-year old tawny from Barros Almeida and Mayorgas Coronas at the Bel-Air |
| A $1600 Techno-Marine that tells you when the humpbacks are ovulating | A $150 Casio that tells you when the largemouth bass are biting |
| Sarah Brightman | Elly Ameling |
| Carly Simon | Allison Krause |
| Santana | Bach |
| Organic Birkenstocks in all natural wheat | Cole-Haan Marios in sport rust |
| VW Passat | Dodge Ram 2500 Extended Cab pickup w/tow package |
| Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia | Godiva Chocolate-Raspberry Truffle |
| Eco-Feminist Tour of Nicaragua w/Bianca Jagger and Jane Goodall | Pheasant shooting in Cairngorm followed by Glenlivet drinking with Sean Connery and Michael Caine |
| "West Wing" "Ally McBeall" | "Drew Carey" "The Simpsons" |
| J.K. Rowling | Louis Begley |
| NPR | Rush |
| CNN | Fox News Network |
| Public Television | A&E |
| "The Insider" | "Gladiator" |
| calling a plumber | fixing it your own damn self |
| secret "Indian Spirit" smoker | blatant Marlboro smoker |
| Sierra Nevada Apricot Ale | Bud |
| Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout | Guinness |
| "Chicago Peace" | "Lucille Ball" |
| Cornish Rex | American Shorthair |
| Shitzu | Border Collie |
| Wicca | Area 56 |
| Crystals | Swarovski crystal |
| American Indian wannabes | Casino owners |
| Playboy Mansion | Gettysburg |